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[17 Jul 2009|11:37am] |
This is the card game my dad bought while he was stationed in Okinawa during Vietnam. I want to display them on my wall and I'm trying to figure out the best way to do it without damaging them (ie, glue).
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[17 Jul 2009|01:50pm] |
I got my second tattoo yesterday. It's a memorial for my grandpa & I used some Slaughterhouse Five in it. I love how it came out, I'm so happy.
( click )
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| Food Erotica |
[17 Jul 2009|09:02am] |
Yeah, so I forgot my camera at work last night. Just think back to when I posted photos a while ago.
Food porn is good, but have you ever tried food erotica?!
( Oh! Yes! )
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| Preacher Graphic Novel Tattoo |
[17 Jul 2009|03:34pm] |
This is my new literary Tat ( yes, graphics novels are literature, thankyou ). It was done by Gareth Miller at Physical Poetry in Leeds, UK. The part with The Saint of Killers ( cowboy looking one ) was done in the first sitting a while back, but the rest is new. It is from the graphic novel "Preacher". One of my favourite things about it is that to me this character is the one i know and love from "Preacher", but to others he could look like Clint Eastwood in "The Good the Bad and the Ugly", or Roland Deschaine from "The Dark Tower" series by Stephen King, both of which i love nearly as much as "Preacher". Would love to see any other Graphic Novel Tattoos out there.
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| You. |
[17 Jul 2009|10:30am] |
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I have been thinking recently about the past and the present. What was I like before I had my eating disorder. Its been a little over 5 years since I developed my eating disorder and since then everyone tells me I am different...how I've changed...that they want the old me back. But to me, its so frustrating because I try and remember what I was like before and I can't. Whenever I see pictures of me as a kid, I just think "Oh I was so fat and I remember being insecure." I don't know if I like who I am now, I definitely feel I got more meaner and more nonchalant about things. idk...Does anyone else feel they have changed? Do you like who you are now? Can you remember who you were before your eating disorder identified you?
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[17 Jul 2009|12:36am] |
I find it ironic that I would binge while reading this man's restaurant reviews.
http://jezebel.com/5316306/i-was-a-baby-bulimic-now-hes-a-food-critic
Excerpt:
To be a successful bulimic, you need to have a firm handle on the bathrooms in your life: their proximity to where you're eating; the amount of privacy they offer; whether - if they're public bathrooms with more than one stall - you can hear the door swing open and the footfall of a visitor with enough advance notice to stop what you're doing and keep from being found out...You need to be conscious of time. There's no such thing as bulimia on the fly; a span of at least 10 minutes in the bathroom is optimal, because you may need 5 of them to linger at the sink, splash cold water on your face and let the redness in it die down. You should always carry a toothbrush and toothpaste, integral to eliminating telltale signs of your transgression and to rejoining polite society without any offense to it. Bulimia is a logistical and tactical challenge as much as anything else. It demands planning.
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[16 Jul 2009|08:24pm] |
I finally got the tattoo I had been pining over for the last several years.
It's a Jack Kerouac quote that has a lot of depth and meaning to me.
I got it on my rib cage despite everyone telling me it was terribly painful.
To me, the words mean be your word. Be what you say. Be honest and be true-- and you shall need no witness.
I place a lot of sentiment and faith in honesty and truth. I think that being who you say you are and doing what you say you're going to do is the most important quality man can have.
( If moderation is a fault, then indifference is a crime. )
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[15 Jul 2010|09:10pm] |
Hey...
Please don't yell at me, but I have to discuss the incident that occurred last night. I know she was egging us on, but we did react a little extremely.
I am not trying to make excuses for her, but I think she at first meant 'mia buddy', as someone to text, whom will support her not to purge.
She should have listened to what we had to say, and not ignore what we were saying. She was digging herself into a deeper whole every time we responded. She was obviously a very stubborn girl, and probably has a very low self esteem. I still can not understand why she chose to annoy all our comments and posts, even when they were nice.
Oh well, I was just expressing what I felt. It's fun to jump at trolls, but maybe we should be a bit more kind when we jump at them.
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[16 Jul 2009|08:17pm] |
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Hey guys, so I've just started attending Hot Yoga classes and they are AMAZING! I really recommend it to all of you! It helps fight depression and really clear your mind. It's working great for me so far. Just wanted to let u in on the secret! hehe hope it helps you!
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[16 Jul 2009|11:09am] |
i met mark at sweet tomatoes. we had lunch together and it was yummy. now i am sitting in the new apartment utilizing a fan instead of the air conditioner (103 degrees out yum). i just finished putting all of my clothes away and hanging them up (i actually have a closet in my room now, which is much appreciated). put my stuff back up on my shelf in my room. folded shirts.
have some photos of the apartment and my room! ( boooring )
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| Help! |
[16 Jul 2009|10:30pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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the girl is mine : michael jackson |
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Hi there! Okay so I've been a serious lurker here for sometime now. I'm just seeking some placement/font/pain advice.
I'm planning on getting a quote from Romeo & Juliet that I've wanted ever since college. I got my first tattoo a few months back
and think I'm ready to get my next...
( Clicky )
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| Ridiculous. |
[16 Jul 2009|04:37pm] |
I'm completely fed up with this. I know that you've all heard this a million, billion times, but I am just sick of this. I've been trying for the last few days to just eat relatively "normal" amounts and work out in moderation. Looking back at the last week though, I've barely eaten anything, worked out for hours a day and tried to just block out any thoughts of a b/p. Not succeeding.This is stupid. I find it kind of funny though, that I starting making a list of "the things I will eat next time I start to binge." Really? Haha, I feel like that's just ridiculous. At what point did I lose my free will?
I 'll find out in 1-3 weeks if I was accepted into graduate school. I'm not quite sure why they can't just email me the results. Oh well. Hopefully, in that amount of time, I'll grow the balls to go see that new counselor I found. I have insurance again, so that shouldn't be a problem. Right? I mean, it's not like I want to live like this. (Pretty sure that anyone who would is nuts.) I wonder what things would be like if I hadn't dropped out of OP in May.
Hmmm... Is it really worth thinking about what could have been? Have any of you had real, true "success" with counseling?
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| sleep |
[16 Jul 2009|08:04pm] |
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What's the longest you've ever slept for?
I slept for 16hours last night and still feel like a zombified, sensitive, moody b*tch!! My head is seriously not right these days...
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[16 Jul 2009|11:25am] |
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I used to be this way because I hated myself and everything about my life, I hated my friends and I hated the way I looked and the clothes I wore and the things that I said and thought. I hated that my mom was thinner than me.
I love my life so much now, I have really wonderful friends that actually care about me and like spending time with me, I'm seeing somebody that treats me well and makes me happy. and I'm a lot smaller than my mom is now. but I'm still extremely insecure, and still doing this to myself.
maybe it works that way because I don't binge. because of that I think I don't fit the criteria for bulimia (so maybe I don't belong here?) - the way some people would binge, I'll chew and spit in private whenever I'm alone, and then when I go out, eat normal meals (which are already restricted due to veganism) in normal portions. and I throw those up, no matter what it is. even though I'm happy, the happiest I've ever been in my life. I don't get it anymore, it's just something that I have to do. it's like relief. I think in that way it's like masturbating, something private and secret and frowned upon by society but you have to do it and you feel better afterwards. and I guess because I don't binge in my mind I see myself as ed-nos rather than bulimic and in some way it makes me feel like this isn't as bad as it really is, when I know logically it's not right to be purging multiple times a day.
whatever I am, I guess my friends have figured out something's up, apparently when I was in the restroom purging somebody asked why I always take so long in the bathroom after we eat, and another friend suggested maybe I was bulimic (her best friend is bulimic so she probably picks up on shit, I don't fucking know), and another friend is very direct and when I was done publicly asked "so, do you just like, throw up everything you eat, or are you smoking weed in the bathroom?" they all know I don't smoke weed. awwwkward
I don't really know why I'm posting this either
I know I don't fit in because I don't binge so I don't really know if I'm looking for support or maybe just a place to vent my confusion in some slight anonymity, without having to actually deal with talking about it and seeking "help"
tonight I'm going on a dinner date with my kind of-sort of boyfriend who treats me like a girlfriend but has yet to make it official after almost 2 months. I am nervous.
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[17 Jul 2009|01:38am] |
I have lost my mind, integrity and soul today.
I went crazy during dinner after a good 3week no binge-purge.
I cried for a GUY (I am/was lesbian) like a fucking raging bitch.
I called quits on everything and told everyone I was heading to Australia but it's a lie.
I'm just gonna stay home, read books, watch movies and binge/purge so much.
My life = A fucking black hole.
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| back again |
[16 Jul 2009|01:26pm] |
Hi everyone...
I have not been on here for a WHILE... and I feel like a creep just sneaking back into the group.
Soo here it is! I'm Em, I've been bulimic w/ anorexic tendencies(but WAY more bulimic than ana, Hah) for three and a half yrs... probably as with many of you, it's kind of a shock when I figure out it's actually been that long!
I'm a lot better than some very harsh times i've had w/ eating in my life, but of course I still struggle. just yesterday I puked OUTSIDE! I feel like a psycho.
Which I also can attest to... I suffer from major depression as well as bipolar disorder. and I totally just abused the word psycho because many people with mental illnesses live great lives and are Certainly not "psycho".
But I have been hospitalized more than once for suicide attempts, so I definitely have some Baggage. WHATEVER is what I say... I don't feel embarrassed anymore.
One of my HUGE triggers is shopping and trying on clothes, especially at stores like Hollister.. the mirrors are horrible to me =( My legs and ass can NOT fit into their stupid ass jeans and I hate to admit that it makes me a little depressed...
That store sucks anyways though, I've honest to god almost punched some of the annoying ass people that shop or work there. No offense to ANYONE who may do so, it could just be the one I have been to!
Well I just talked my ass off, but I'm happy to be here! Hope everyone is doing well =)
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[16 Jul 2009|01:21pm] |
Full stomach? It's ok :)
This i need to start believing.
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[16 Jul 2009|11:11am] |
i want to get the following tattoed:
" in the very temple of Delight
veiled melancholy has her sovran shrine"
it's from keats ode on melancholy and it's not only one of my favorite poems but it's also applies to me quite a lot.
my only current issue is that i have NO IDEA where to place it. i would like wrists but i have both of mine tattoed already.
does anyone have any placement suggestions? or two lines tattoos you could show me?
i would prefer if it was not visible because i currently teach at a nazi/communist (not literally of course) school.
thanks :)
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